The Institute / Office of Aquatic Recognition
A body of water is not approved merely because it is wet. Admission requires a considered review of provenance, ownership, salinity, temperature, surrounding architecture, spectator density, and the likelihood that someone nearby will play music from a portable speaker. The Register also considers the quality of arrival. Water approached by teak, stone, grass, or a discreet ladder begins from a position of strength.
Class I is private water under direct household stewardship. Class II is member water governed by a club, marina, or bathing institution with enforceable towel standards. Class III is inherited, historic, or naturally distinguished water whose social authority predates the current swimmer. Class IV is provisional water. It may be beautiful, but its parking arrangements, changing facilities, or public enthusiasm require further observation.
The Council may decline water containing novelty inflatables, laminated wristbands, visible lost property, competitive splashing, or an artificial shade of blue requiring an adjective. A pool described as fun for the whole family is not automatically disqualified, but the burden of evidence rises considerably. No water may enter the Register while a foam party is scheduled, rumored, or being assembled within sight.
Approval belongs to a season, not to a body of water forever. Each listed site is reviewed after changes in ownership, landscaping, membership policy, or ambient behaviour. A declined water may petition again after one complete summer of demonstrated restraint. Appeals must include recent photographs, an account of towel distribution, and the name of the individual responsible for controlling the music.
THE REGISTER
“All approved waters are wet. Very little wetness is approved water.”
PRIVATE CORRESPONDENCE