The Institute / Social Moisture Protocol
Wetness should be recognized accurately and discussed minimally. Incidental spray requires no announcement. Committed dampness permits one quiet acknowledgment from the host, after which the condition is considered socially absorbed. A guest should never describe how wet they are in comparative terms, nor invite others to inspect a cuff, hem, or area of disputed saturation. When the water has become obvious, language should become less so.
A damp guest may sit when the surface has been prepared or when the host has indicated that the furniture understands the risk. Towels used as barriers should be folded with architectural intent and never spread in a manner suggesting public recreation. Linen, teak, stone, and appropriately resigned leather are preferred. Unprotected silk upholstery is not a test of confidence. It is a failure of advance planning.
A wet hand is not offered. The correct greeting is a small inclination of the head, followed by the usual exchange of names and no explanation concerning the temperature of the water. Hair may remain damp if it appears intentional. Dripping hair is permitted only outdoors, aboard a moving vessel, or during an event whose invitation included the word regatta. The wettest person present does not automatically receive the floor.
A guest should change before dinner only when continued moisture threatens the linen or has begun to attract operational attention. Otherwise, a Water Sweater may proceed directly to table under the principle of Garment Continuity. At departure, the host may offer a towel once. A second offer implies concern and should be avoided. Guests returning to the water after dessert must do so without gathering an audience.
THE REGISTER
“Composure is not the absence of moisture. It is the refusal to make moisture everyone else's problem.”
PRIVATE CORRESPONDENCE